i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
