Soap is not a condiment
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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