remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She even gives head with a lisp.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
