and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
