he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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