They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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