He asked to "fluff my boner.."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
