You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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