HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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