under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
