i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
