I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
