He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
