i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was born a porn star she said
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
