I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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