apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
