i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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