Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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