This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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