his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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