he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
