My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
