im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
