those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
