yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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