if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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