She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
