dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Terrible idea I love it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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