i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
