i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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