im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
