just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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