Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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