i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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