This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
