Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
