No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
