Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
