He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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