Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
