And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
