I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Mom said you looked used
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
