just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
