I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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