Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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