I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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