I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
