he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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