one two three fourrrrnication!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
