I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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