Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
