I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize