I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
