Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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