and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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