k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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