she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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