I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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