in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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