whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
