$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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