I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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