from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
